Hello,
I am new to the boards and am working on myself to be a hpppy person. I realize that I am not. "This marraige is too much work. " "It shouldn't be this hard. ""I wish he was different"
I have discovered Hayhouse radio and just finshed Debbies book Spiritual Divorce.
I have been with my husband 20 years, married 9, and we have 3 kids 2,6 and 8. My whole deal was "lets not fight infront of the kids" and he hasn't changed.

We for the most part I thought were a happy couple, but in retrospect see that we bicker and don't communicate. I do not communicate with him as I feel it will set him off so there are problems that I can not even discuss with him, $$ etc.

He has an anger problem, resulting in him saying verbal abuse while we fight, to the kids, it's all getting worse. I am slepping on the couch. He has been physical with me as well, and this last fight in July made me choose divorce finally, even though he has been worse in the past. We are still married and I am taking steps with my counselor to start getting a life set up.

The fighting has been few and far between but lately more frequent  (not justifying but to timeline) so I had always tried to make the relationship better, but here we are again at the same crossroads, him putting a hand on me, this time in front of the kids. None of it is right.

We went to counseling the 1st physical episode but the counseling was not effective, obviously. We are up to 3 kids not and I need to do right by them and me.

I do not know why I do not have this boundry and was  rolling it off my back to keep the peace. Probably since it is a whole year before another bad fight. I am off this roller coaster. I keep finding letters pouring out my heart saying "no more" and youve crossed the line" and still, go figure he didn't change.

Just some feedback. I am looking for a job to start.This whole thing makes me sad that that I wanted a nice happy homelife and it does not exsist, and angry that he has cosen to do this, and I don't even know why I wasn't strong earlier.

So, trying to stay stong and taking baby steps.  Feedback please - anyone been there?

Diane

I just found this prayer online and thought of you while saying it.

I think this is a great one for women (or anyone) in our current situations.

     I have a mission...

     I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
     God has not created me for naught... Therefore I will trust him.
     Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away.
     God does nothing in vain.

    He knows what he is about.

    Spacer-- J. H. Newman

I hope this new day is a start for you on your new journey.

Much love and support

Carla 

Hello Friend:

I am unfortunately going through the same ordeal.  I am lucky that now my so called husband moved out and it makes life for my son and me easier.  We had been together for 17 years married 12 years and this last few years have been the worst.  He is an alcoholic and a mental abuser.  He makes promises to stop and cut back on his drinking and those promises never came to pass.

He always blamed me for his drinking.  Our family life was almost next to  none.  We never did anything as a family and it was only me and my son.

He also blamed me for ignoring him and that I was always focused on my 11 year old son.  Well he was always drinking and getting drunk so to  me that was a real turn-off so I stopped paying attention to him.

But this last year was the worst of all.

I found he was soliciting other women on these single sites during the time we were still living together.  Also used to go on porno sites while my son and I were sleeping.  Of course he was always drunk during these times.

I am right now so disgusted with him and I really hate him.  Maybe it time when my heart heals my feelings may change a little.  But I know that I do not want to be friends with him not after what he did.

Even though he has been gone for the past month I am still finding out things about him that are disgusting.

How he has been seeking other women via the internet.

I am really angry at myself for not waking up earlier to what he is all about but now I know and even though I am in great pain I know that each day that goes on with the help of a lot of prayer that my son and I will be okay without him.

Just can't stand hearing his voice when he calls for my son and leaves a message.  Makes me want to puke.  That how much contempt I have for him.

I know that I am still very angry and am going to counselling but it is going to take time before I can let all these emotions go.  I am currently reading Spiritual Divorce and I am finding it very confronting that I know I am not alone and that there are a lot of women going through the same ordeal.

Just have to focus on us and our kids and try to be strong for them.  It's better being alone than in an unhappy situation which makes everyone miserable.

Hard as it is I know that we women are tough and can handle whatever is thrown our way.

Men are the suckie ones.  Most of them are like babies anyway that is why if they don't get what they want at home they go astray and thinking they are going to find it out there somewhere.  Well I say Good Luck to all of them, who needs them.

I know that I we deserve better  men who will treat us that we should be treated and deserve to be treated.  Hopefully one day we can all meet with this type of man.

I know that all men are not bad but right now I have no interest.  Need to heal first and maybe some day.

Each day is a challenge and we all have to find our own way to cope.  I know that for me it's prayer and enjoying my own space again is wonderful.  Just have to take care of my son and myself and don't have to hear contant complaining and knit picking which I had to endure before.

WHAT A RELIEF.

This site helps a lot and it makes us feel less alone even though we don't know each other and we live in different parts of the world know that we have a common bond when we log on to this web site.  Makes us feel less alone and gives us strength to go on.

Keep the faith.

Rose