After reading Debbie's e-mail message yesterday, and thinking about my own toxic emotions quite a bit, I realize that one of the things I pretend most NOT to be - and yet the one quality that ties me to a lot of my friends - is hopelessness. 

I try to be optimistic, but the one question on Debbie's "quiz" was "In the privacy of your own heart and mind - despite what you try to project to the outer world - do you actually believe that things won't get better for you?" And my answer was a resounding, and aching, YES.  I don't believe things will get better, I don't believe they CAN...and that's not a good thing at this point in my life.  In every aspect - romance, money, family, career - I think that I am where I am, and need to learn to deal with it.  There's no moving forward.  My dreams are just that - dreams, with no substance.  Every day, I deal with this low hum of depression, and I try to balance optimism with accepting reality, such as it.  But isn't that a symptom of hopelessness?

So, logically realizing that feeling this is actually holding me back, what the heck do I do now?  What am I not getting, now?  What can I do to break through? And HOW can I get good things to start happening for me?

Hi Mary,
I also acknowledge you for asking for help. If you feel hopeless in all areas, first I want to ask for how long you have felt that way. I'd also like to know if you have talked with a medical or alternative healing provider about that feeling. You might want to seek that support in addition to the great emotional education you can receive here at this site.

I've been an Integrative Coach and doing this work since 2001 and I can say without a doubt that the one biggest, best, most helpful thing I EVER did for myself was go the the Shadow Process Workshop given by Debbie. I left behind pounds of pain, shame and guilt I didn't even know I had. When I returned people noticed the physical and the energetic difference in me and that was the start of changing my entire life. I am not exaggerating at all!

I feel certain that the Shadow Process would be a start to your healing. If you decide to sign up for it and would like some complimentary coaching support until you go, please contact me for a sample session to see what you think. I totally agree with Mary Cunningham's recommendations about listening to archived broadcasts of Debbie at Hayhouse radio and then also her live program each Thursday at 2 p.m. pacific. You can get coached by her for free on her show!

There are many resources available at this website also.
Sincerely,
Sharon

Butterfly,
I can understand what you mean about the costs of workshops and such.  I've had a money story as long as I can remember and the Shadow Workshop and other trainings I've done has helped me bust myself in that story and find new and creative ways to think of money (i.e.  it's an exchange for services).  I also try and focus on the abundance I already have instead of what I don't have.

I suffered from a pretty heavy depression, agoraphobia and anxiety before finding this work.  I've learned how to actually have other feeling besides hopelessness and that every feeling I have is ok because I'm a human being and I no longer try to stuff it down with spending money foolishly or eating, being lazy, etc (the list goes on and on)

I decided instead of looking in all the wrong places for help, I'd start within myself.  This is by far the BEST investment I've made in myself and I am far from wealthy.  I've just found ways to make it work.

To get started, I can suggest Debbie's radio show on HayHouse and watching the Ex Wives Club for Debbie's segment.  That would give you a very small taste of the Shadow Workshop.  Debbie also has a free inspirational call once a month that you might want to check into.

Thank you for stepping out and being vulnerable with your feelings.  That's the first step to greatness and letting your light through.  Good for you.

Peace and blessings,
Mary C.

I'm new at Debbie's site.  I'm going to take a chance and share what I've found over the years (and years!) about hopelessness.  (I may not be speaking the 'local dialect' yet - I've been searching forever, it seems, visiting many places - self-help, therapy, 12-step programs, and very recently, Debbie's 'Secret of the Shadow' (audio), < for me, the stuff contained in this work of hers hit the nail on the head!)
Hopelessness can be my best friend.  It offers me the excuse I need to stay 'safe', not try anything new, not take any chances, not 'fail', stay a 'big fish in a little pond' - perhaps knowing a little bit more than the hopeless friends that I've held around me - doling out information (that I find so hard to use myself)and feeling important all the while. It keeps me in the world of 'poor me' that I can really enjoy talking about, instead of doing something new and feeling the uncomfortability of being the 'newbie'.
I have, however, been on the other side and have had many opportunities to shine with potential and some successes.
They were short lived on many occasions because I got scared and gave up. I got lazy and gave up, or I became disinterested. (In short, I sabotaged them.) Maybe because of the failures, I would resign on my latest 'attempt' just short of getting over the main hurdle. I wouldn't want to feel the dissappointment - again.  (if you look at Debbie's 'Secret of the Shadow' - it has to do with the old 'tapes' - my old tapes.)  
I read something once - 'If you fail nine times out of ten, how many times should you try?'. . .( to my surprise, this little question really bothered me!) I looked at it.  I don't like to be wrong or fail, so I'd usually stop somewhere around '7' if things weren't looking absolutely promising! Yet, I look around and see people going that extra mile and reaching their desired destination and beyond!
My problem, I think, is that I take failure very personally (< something to look at!).  Failure is only failure unless it's food for the already horrible opinion you have of yourself - or for the belief you hold to yourself that you couldn't really do it anyway - which of course - would make you right!  Sometimes I can laugh at failure and try again - other times it lands me in bed.  My belief in failure, or feeling that I don't deserve - is my hopelessness.
Self-love and being able to care and take care (responsibility) of yourself seems to be the answer.  Hopelessness is a decision.  There are many things we can do and ACCOMPLISH (even if we start small) if we make up our minds and don't cave or have unrealistic expectations (or give yourself away to the expectations of other people - if there is a tendency to give up - be sure to find out what that is - really important!  This is where I had to make a conscious effort to change the way - the 'habit' - of my thinking!) We can then build on that.  (one of my 'things' was to take care of people around me - expecting - in return, that they would take care of me!  They didn't, or if they did, they wouldn't do it in the 'proper' manner.  Let's put it this way - it never happened!  I can laugh now at the obsurdity of this - especially since I was an 'unhealthy' person living amidst the same. (. .and I don't say this to make them or myself 'wrong' - we just don't know how sometimes. . .)

Another recent read: (I'm not sure of the exact words. . but it goes something like this-)

"You, yourself, as much as any other being in the universe, deserves your love and affection."       -Buddha

Well, there's the 'new person' spouting off.  I want you to know me.  I look forward to all that you all have to share.  I know that for me, hopelessness IS a decision, a perspective.  I know too, that support groups offer so much hope through stories of accomplishment, experiences, and growth - or even through problems.(< though, I don't want to get stuck there!! -lived there too long! I just don't like it anymore!!) I can only think what I think, so I open myself to your thoughts and experiences.  I need help.  For so long, I wasn't able to say that because of my pride.  Then I was able to say it but not accept it (my unworthiness).  Now?  I WANT it!!!    Looking forward. . .
                                
                                   God bless you all!  (. .and me, too!)

hهه
iam a new member.iam looking forward to get some free ebook from debbiford .is it possible?
i am from Iran and they dont let me to use credit card to buy something from U.S.
but i really love to read Debbi's books.what can i do?