Who out there has found themselves doing things so that your kids will like you?

I am a people pleaser. When I listened to 2 of Debbie's archived shows on HayHouse Radio.com about people pleasing, I was horrified when I realized she ws describing me! (and millions of other humans)

I have much more awareness about when I am doing something so that someone will like me or approve of me. I can catch myself and choose if I want to continue or if I want to change my intentions.

I've seen recently that I sometimes do things so that my kids will like me. I used to judge this harshly in other parents. I thought, "Yikes--I am one of them!"

Now that I've acknowledged it, I see it much more than I'd guessed. It's an opportunity to ask if I'm giving myself enough love (probably not).

The other day my daughter asked if we could do xxxx again like we did last week. I said, "No, I only did that so that you would like me. Let's stick to our standards and do that only once or twice a year."  She was caught off guard, to say the least ;-)

What experiences or challenges do you want to share?

Wow. Great topic. 

I find that I people please with my daughter when I feel guilty for, well you name it, not being a good enough mom, not spending enough time with her, not getting on the floor and playing when she asks me to, etc.   And how do I please her?  With FOOD, and I'm not talking about celery sticks and carrots.  I realize recently that the way my father showed us love was to make sure we always had a roof over our heads, and a LOT of food in our bellies.  We were never told to clean our plates but with the delicious food we had, there was no problem.

Now when I catch myself doing that to please my daughter, I try to stop and breathe, then offer to sit with her and read a book or just sit together and cuddle.  That heals both of us :-)

On another note about the shadow I found a great quote today:
Never fear shadows...they simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby.

Love to you,
Mary C.

Well, I don't have kids yet, but I'm a people pleaser as well. I learned that from my dad, who I think people pleased me all the time, my mom on the other hand did not. So I can share my experience from the kids' point of view.

Of course I'm very grateful for my dad pleasing me, he showed me an enormous amount of love, I knew that no matter what I would still be loved by him.... On the other side, my mom (haha, the good cop/bad cop ) was the one that taught me that things will not always be the way I want them to be and what am I gonna do about that... She wrote me a truly beautiful letter for my 18th birthday which makes me cry every time I read it - saying she knows that I got hurt sometimes by her in my upbringing, but that every time she said no to me was really for my highest best and was hoping for me to see it, at least later on... And I do, I know it was tough love and it was never her being mean, although in the center of the moment I didn't understand it and was really mad and hurt.... I have to say I am truly blessed to have experienced so much love from my parents (and still experiencing it from my mom, my dad as I wrote sadly passed away), that's why I think that love is the most important thing there is.... people pleasing or not.... (but still, go with the non people pleasing, it is the best for everyone and we all know that )

Kathy,
    I love the way your husband stated that, "you shouldn't be their friends." I agree that kids will turn out right if you are more of a parent then a friend. I can share from the kids point of view that when my parents gave me a NO that I also did not agree with them and would become angery at them. Now that I am a little older, I realize that they just loved me so much that they don't want me to get hurt. I have grown so much from my parents rules and also their fun, loving side. They treated me as a child when I acted like one and as an adult as I grew to understand there side. My dad seemed to be the so called bad cop and my mother the good cop yet they both knew when to reconcile their differences if I was acting like a "moody teen." I am just glad that my parents were there for me in a positive way. I hope I as well can do the same in the future with my children as you are with yours.
Thank you for sharing. - Jordan